Truly a Masterpiece Podcast

Win Over Fear, Find Courage to Pursue Your Dream, and Deal with Loss

Craig Walker and guest, Kim Avery Season 1 Episode 12

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Listen to this interview with Kim Avery and be inspired to live life to the fullest. Kim and I discuss topics like how to overcome fear, find the courage to live your dream, and why it is okay to feel like you are not enough. We even talk about finding God’s love and comfort before and after her daughter's death in 2019.

Links:

 Truly a Masterpiece, the course: https://mailchi.mp/craigwalkercoaching/truly-a-masterpiece-1

 The Prayer Powered Entrepreneur, by Kim Avery: https://a.co/d/fFmHsmw

 The Pace of Grace Podcast

  iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pace-of-grace-with-kim-avery/id1711387695

  Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2h3zlYwMyQN0rLWSm9uVsq?si=f0dcfa2d38844935

 The Divine Conspiracy: Rediscovering Our Hidden Life in God, by Dallas Willard https://a.co/d/ivUYrFY

 When God Weeps, by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes, https://a.co/d/crcgpvh

<b>Hey, welcome back to the Trulia</b><b>Masterpiece podcast. My name is Craig</b><b>Walker and I am your host.</b><b>Hey, it's a thrill for me to be here with</b><b>you today. I'm always</b><b>excited to launch a new episode,</b><b>but today's especially because we have</b><b>our first time ever to invite</b><b>an outside guest to be here.</b><b>Kim has never been through the Trulia</b><b>Masterpiece training. She's never been</b><b>through Craig Walker</b><b>coaching, but she is someone who has</b><b>coached me, someone that I</b><b>have come to see and admire as</b><b>modeling everything that I want to share</b><b>on this program. Kim is</b><b>the author of a book called</b><b>Prayer-Powered Entrepreneurs. This is a</b><b>book if you want a 30-day challenge to</b><b>pray about anything,</b><b>this is an excellent resource for you to</b><b>follow. She's also the</b><b>founder of Kim Avery Coaching and</b><b>Soul Care Coaching, and she has her own</b><b>podcast that she hosts</b><b>called The Pace of Grace. You can</b><b>find Kim on social media at Facebook and</b><b>on Instagram. We'll</b><b>share all the links of where</b><b>you can find and follow Kim inside the</b><b>notes today. Well again, thanks for</b><b>joining me. If you're new to</b><b>my program, I hope you'll click the</b><b>subscribe button so you're</b><b>notified each time new programs</b><b>are published. Also, I hope you like it</b><b>so much that you're willing</b><b>to share it with your friends</b><b>and help us extend our ministry. New</b><b>episodes are dropped the</b><b>second Tuesday of every month with</b><b>occasional bonus episodes thrown in</b><b>between. Now, without any more delay, I</b><b>want to jump into our</b><b>talk today and let you meet Kim. All</b><b>right, well today I have a special guest</b><b>with me. This is Kim</b><b>Avery. Kim is the founder of Kim Avery</b><b>Coaching. She's also the author of the</b><b>book, Prayer-Powered</b><b>Entrepreneur, and she's the host of the</b><b>podcast, The Pace of Grace.</b><b>I've known Kim professionally</b><b>now for about three years and been a</b><b>follower of her. And today, I</b><b>think Kim would be grateful,</b><b>great if everyone can know you a little</b><b>bit personally before you</b><b>get into any of the heavier</b><b>stuff that we won't talk about. So tell</b><b>us about you, your family.</b><b>Oh, well thank you for asking.</b><b>I don't know, it's embarrassing to admit</b><b>these days, but I guess I'm</b><b>old enough to be a grandma.</b><b>I guess that's the true story. Welcome to</b><b>the club. Yep, I have four</b><b>littles, two granddaughters and</b><b>two twin grandsons who are just chaos in</b><b>tennis shoes. And so my</b><b>personal life is full of laughter</b><b>and delight. Yeah. Amen, I'm sure it is.</b><b>Well, you're married.</b><b>Mm-hmm, I am. How many years?</b><b>Thankfully. We have been married 40, I'm</b><b>terrible at numbers. My</b><b>husband would know right away,</b><b>he's a better husband than me, but 40</b><b>some years we've been</b><b>married. Oh, that's good. Kim, what</b><b>kind of things do you do for fun? You</b><b>know, I am so boring. Other than play</b><b>with my grandkids and my</b><b>dog, I have a labradoodle. I like to</b><b>read. I've often thought I should have a</b><b>more glamorous hobby,</b><b>but the truth of the matter is, is I'm</b><b>just a nerd and I love to</b><b>read. And so when I'm not doing</b><b>anything else, that's what I'm doing.</b><b>You're reading. Well, I</b><b>know that you haven't always</b><b>been Kim Avery coaching, podcast host and</b><b>author. You also have a</b><b>degree, a master's degree,</b><b>your licensed professional counselor as</b><b>well as a licensed professional coach.</b><b>What have you done before? What you're</b><b>doing now? Did you used to have a</b><b>counseling business? Were</b><b>you involved in that as a practice? Yeah,</b><b>well, I worked as a</b><b>counselor. I was employed by someone</b><b>else's practice. I worked here in the</b><b>town where I live, Winter</b><b>Haven, Florida. And because I like</b><b>variety, I served adults and children</b><b>ranging from difficulties with</b><b>schizophrenia and bipolar</b><b>disorder to relational difficulties to</b><b>oppositional angry children. So just the</b><b>human need is so vast.</b><b>It's just an honor to be able to sit in a</b><b>room with someone and</b><b>watch God show up and do the</b><b>things only he can do. Yeah. And knowing</b><b>what you do now, that seems like this</b><b>been just God's makeup</b><b>for you. Tally, why aren't you put that</b><b>passion in your heart? Yeah.</b><b>You know, I should have asked</b><b>this when we're talking about you like to</b><b>read who are some of your</b><b>favorite people who've been</b><b>most instrumental in shaping your life. I</b><b>am just a huge fan of Dallas</b><b>Willard. So I like to read or</b><b>watch anything that he put out before he</b><b>passed away. And I've</b><b>currently been really enjoying</b><b>John Mark Comer's stuff. He came out with</b><b>a new book, "Reel to</b><b>Practice the Way," which I think of</b><b>as kind of like Dallas for dummies. So</b><b>it's really good for me because it takes</b><b>it and it puts it in</b><b>more everyday language than Dallas being</b><b>as brilliant as he was</b><b>able to do. So I do like to</b><b>read about spiritual formation, again,</b><b>just almost as a hobby because, well, all</b><b>of life is formation.</b><b>And so I'm endlessly fascinated by God</b><b>and how he seeks to</b><b>invite us into change.</b><b>You know, I've just gotten to know Mark</b><b>Comer through Kerry Newhoff,</b><b>John Stray. Yeah, he's been tremendously</b><b>helpful to me. You</b><b>mentioned Dallas Willard. Did you,</b><b>the divine conspiracy then as one of your</b><b>favorite books? Sure. One of</b><b>his seminal works, yes. And it</b><b>took me three or four times through it</b><b>before I really started to</b><b>understand it. But I knew,</b><b>I knew Craig, there was something so</b><b>important about it because</b><b>of the reality of the way he</b><b>lived. When you hear people talk about</b><b>his life, who really knew</b><b>him, how he was able to live in</b><b>the reality of the kingdom of God, even</b><b>though it's perfectly</b><b>invisible to us, it was so visible</b><b>to him and the way that he chose to live</b><b>his life. I knew there was something</b><b>there that I needed to</b><b>understand and grasp because that was</b><b>just far from me at the</b><b>time. Yeah. Yeah, that would be</b><b>something good for me to put in the link</b><b>for everyone just to</b><b>encourage people to read things</b><b>like that. The people I talked to are</b><b>those that are trying to win over</b><b>self-doubt, learn to live</b><b>the life that God created them to love.</b><b>And that'd be a rich</b><b>resource. So people interested,</b><b>the link will be in the notes for you.</b><b>Well, I mentioned</b><b>your coaching, the book,</b><b>The Prayer-Powered Entrepreneur, and your</b><b>podcast, The Pace of Grace.</b><b>Is any one of those three,</b><b>have that become a niche for you? Your</b><b>passion now, or are you still all three?</b><b>Well, I do love all three. I think The</b><b>Prayer-Powered Entrepreneur</b><b>was God's way of embedding</b><b>prayer into the DNA of my life, my</b><b>personal life, but even more than that,</b><b>my business life, because</b><b>for some reason I've functionally lived</b><b>my business life somehow</b><b>separate from my spiritual life</b><b>without intending to. And so The</b><b>Prayer-Powered Entrepreneur was putting</b><b>that in a book form was</b><b>kind of my way of just really weaving</b><b>that into my life on a personal basis.</b><b>And so that will always</b><b>be there. My current passion project is</b><b>The Pace of Grace podcast and</b><b>The Pace of Grace community,</b><b>because we're overrun with busyness in</b><b>our culture. And busyness is a badge of</b><b>honor. And I think we</b><b>all know that we're over busy and</b><b>overextended and</b><b>overexhausted and on the verge of burnout,</b><b>but none of us really know what to do</b><b>about it. I mean, just</b><b>telling ourselves to quit it doesn't</b><b>seem to be working. So my question in the</b><b>podcast and our community</b><b>and to myself again and again</b><b>in this season of my life is, how do I</b><b>really live and work at the pace of</b><b>grace? Not rushing ahead</b><b>of God, not lingering behind God, but</b><b>moving as that waterfall of</b><b>grace comes down for whatever</b><b>project or conversation that he has in</b><b>front of me. And so it's just,</b><b>yeah, it's my current passion</b><b>project and I'm having a lot of fun</b><b>discovering new things and sharing them.</b><b>Awesome. What are some</b><b>of the secrets you've learned about just</b><b>walking in the presence</b><b>of God every day, making,</b><b>experiencing his reality? I don't know if</b><b>it's a secret, but you</b><b>know, you can't hear someone or</b><b>love someone well when you're in a hurry.</b><b>And it's a sad reality.</b><b>And so just slowing down and</b><b>lingering in the voice of God, I think</b><b>it's something we all want</b><b>to do. We're all eager to do.</b><b>But the other side of that same coin is,</b><b>that means I am</b><b>currently in that moment that I'm</b><b>lingering with God, trusting that he is</b><b>with all the things that I'm</b><b>not present to. He's with my</b><b>email. He's with my spouse. He's with my</b><b>grandkids I'm worried about.</b><b>He's with that client who's</b><b>waiting for me to finish a project. He's</b><b>with all of those other</b><b>things. How do I release and trust</b><b>him to truly be present to those things</b><b>so that I can fully be</b><b>present to him? And so it's almost</b><b>like an act of faith. So spending more</b><b>time with him, right, is what</b><b>I want to do. But my mind is</b><b>distracted because I don't really have</b><b>faith that he's going to keep all the</b><b>important balls in the</b><b>air while I do that. And so recognizing</b><b>why I resist something that I so</b><b>desperately want to do,</b><b>right, is live all of life in the</b><b>presence of God, you know, putting words</b><b>to my resistance. My</b><b>resistance is actually an issue of belief</b><b>and unbelief. Helps me</b><b>then in micro moments, choose</b><b>to believe that he's, for example, while</b><b>we're talking right now,</b><b>he is being present to all</b><b>those things that aren't getting done and</b><b>then watching him be</b><b>faithful, right? So we will end</b><b>our conversation and we will move on to</b><b>our next things and the</b><b>world will not have fallen apart.</b><b>The house will not have caught on fire.</b><b>The dog's bladder will not have an</b><b>explosion, you know,</b><b>all of it, or it will. And God will be</b><b>sufficient for that. But just watching</b><b>him be who he says he</b><b>is in those micro moments of trust has</b><b>been just a fun walk for me.</b><b>Yeah. Well, that's awesome to</b><b>hear you say it. It's encouraging to me.</b><b>It's also convicting because I don't</b><b>always do it that well.</b><b>And even, you know, like doing this</b><b>podcast, I think I know</b><b>what you're talking about. Even</b><b>doing this podcast, I can be sitting here</b><b>thinking, okay, I got to</b><b>make sure I ask the right</b><b>question or say the right thing. Make</b><b>sure everybody's</b><b>listening. But even as you said,</b><b>I'm really encouraged just really to slow</b><b>down, listen to you respond</b><b>to that because God already</b><b>knows that's what everyone else needs to</b><b>hear. And I'm glad you said</b><b>that for the podcast sake,</b><b>for my sake, so that we could do this</b><b>really well. So you helped me to slow</b><b>down because I don't,</b><b>I tend to be way too much of in a hurry.</b><b>Don't appreciate the</b><b>moments when someone calls and</b><b>wants to sit down for a cup of coffee</b><b>that you can really take that break and</b><b>go spend time with them.</b><b>I'm one of the last few that. Yeah. Yeah.</b><b>Yeah. That's a great</b><b>word. Thank you. Is coaching</b><b>and writing something you really always</b><b>wanted to do? Or is that</b><b>something you've grown into?</b><b>Well, I have to laugh. I'm still growing</b><b>into the writing. And the</b><b>coaching was definitely a step</b><b>of faith. I think, I don't know who said</b><b>it, but all growth happens</b><b>outside our comfort zone. And</b><b>of course, God is relentlessly committed</b><b>to growing us into the image of his</b><b>beloved son. So he's</b><b>always inviting us into things outside</b><b>our comfort zone. So</b><b>coaching, going from counseling to</b><b>coaching wasn't as big a step for me,</b><b>going from coaching to</b><b>realizing I was a business owner.</b><b>That was a huge growth curve for me. And</b><b>writing does not come</b><b>naturally to me. It's not my native</b><b>tongue. But God has for years, maybe a</b><b>decade or more said, I hear</b><b>you and I want you to write.</b><b>And so it's a discipline of obedience and</b><b>again, of faith and</b><b>trust and hard work and</b><b>yeah, all sorts of those things. But I</b><b>see fruitfulness comes</b><b>from faithfulness. So I'm just</b><b>trying to show up faithfully for the</b><b>journey and trust him to bring</b><b>fruit. And then when he does,</b><b>it's always fun. Yeah. And I'm</b><b>experiencing that as well. Back up just</b><b>for a second. And I've read</b><b>your book, Prayer, Power and</b><b>Entrepreneur. I've read it twice and got</b><b>it highlighted, marked up. So</b><b>I just want to say to you, that's a</b><b>really well done book. So it's obvious</b><b>that you have worked</b><b>hard and it's not obvious that it isn't</b><b>fun. It's not obvious</b><b>that it comes hard for you.</b><b>Your hard work is obvious though. And</b><b>you've done a great job. So I know</b><b>everyone will appreciate</b><b>that as well. How did you find the</b><b>courage to pursue those things that</b><b>aren't natural for you?</b><b>You said your growth comes not in the</b><b>comfort zone, but outside</b><b>the comfort zone. So how did</b><b>you find the courage to do that? Well,</b><b>and that's the other thing I think, not</b><b>the other thing. One</b><b>of the other things I think I've realized</b><b>is that confidence and</b><b>courage for me never comes first.</b><b>So as long as I sit waiting for</b><b>confidence and courage, I'll</b><b>sit there in my prayer chair all</b><b>day and say, "Oh, good idea, Lord," or</b><b>"Oh, bad idea, Lord," or</b><b>whatever, but I won't move. It</b><b>actually functions as a result of</b><b>obedience. And so stepping into that</b><b>uncomfortable moment</b><b>when I really don't want to, I put out a</b><b>newsletter, Craig, and</b><b>recently I put a newsletter and I</b><b>shared a story of what I call the world's</b><b>worst book proposal. And</b><b>it really is. My publisher</b><b>even uses it as an example in talks of</b><b>what not to do. But</b><b>what was so funny was, God,</b><b>I've been laying on my heart, you need to</b><b>approach somebody about getting this</b><b>prayer work that you've</b><b>been doing put in a book. And I was</b><b>dragging my feet and</b><b>embarrassed and feeling inadequate</b><b>and overwhelmed and all the things. And</b><b>so I got to this particular</b><b>meeting one day and found out</b><b>there was a publisher in the group. And</b><b>so in my head, I said, "Well, Lord,</b><b>basically, if you let</b><b>me be in a conversation with this</b><b>publisher, then I'll know it's a sign.</b><b>This is very like Gideon,</b><b>fleece. Then I'll know it's a sign. Well,</b><b>lo and behold, everybody</b><b>goes to sit for lunch and</b><b>there's no room at the table. There's two</b><b>seats at a side garden</b><b>table for only two people and</b><b>it's me and the publisher." So do I take</b><b>that as a sign from the Lord?</b><b>"Oh, good, now I've courage."</b><b>No, I start making up other excuses in my</b><b>head. And I'm peppering</b><b>the publisher with questions</b><b>about his personal life, hoping there'll</b><b>never be a break in the conversation.</b><b>What we have to talk</b><b>about books, et cetera, et cetera. And</b><b>then finally, it's like the</b><b>Holy Spirit pushes me over</b><b>the edge. I don't know if you ever have</b><b>that happen, Craig. It's</b><b>just like, "Okay, I'm just</b><b>going to have to leap and it's going to</b><b>be ugly." And it was. This is what I</b><b>said. And I'm looking</b><b>at the ground, I'm not making eye</b><b>contact. So I kind of have an idea for a</b><b>book that no one will</b><b>ever read and no one would ever want to</b><b>buy. Is that not the</b><b>most impressive book?</b><b>It's just lame. And then I started</b><b>looking around for a rock to</b><b>crawl under it. And it just,</b><b>it goes to God. This is all God's work.</b><b>Because by the time we were</b><b>done with our conversation,</b><b>he said, "I'd really like to see a</b><b>proposal for that." And so just a</b><b>thousand times in my life</b><b>and more, God has just said, "Don't worry</b><b>about making it elegant or</b><b>nice. It's not your strength.</b><b>It's not your adequacy. It's not your</b><b>talent. I just want your willingness,</b><b>Kim. Can I just have</b><b>your willingness?" And so I show up in</b><b>moments like that really</b><b>poorly and see God still work.</b><b>And I think, "Wow." And so again, it</b><b>builds my faith and</b><b>confidence in him. Maybe that's where</b><b>the confidence is. I've been meditating</b><b>on a very familiar passage,</b><b>Romans 12 too. And it really,</b><b>I think it speaks to what you're talking</b><b>about. You don't find</b><b>courage first, you act and then</b><b>discover, "Oh, wow. I wish I'd done it</b><b>sooner." That's kind of how</b><b>we feel. Don't be conformed</b><b>this world, but be transformed by the</b><b>renewing of your mind. The older</b><b>translation, like the new</b><b>American standard says, "You do that,</b><b>that you may prove the will of God is</b><b>good, acceptable, and</b><b>perfect." We really were proving it to</b><b>ourselves. We're the doubters, but when</b><b>we trust him and lean</b><b>into it, we prove, "Oh man, I wish I'd</b><b>been doing this all along." And that's</b><b>what I hear you saying,</b><b>is that's just natural. That's the way</b><b>God designed life to</b><b>work. If we set and wait for</b><b>the courage, "Okay, I'm again encouraged</b><b>to leave," we'll never leave. But if we</b><b>sense his leadership</b><b>and follow into our fear, we find the</b><b>courage, we find everything</b><b>we needed, the joy, and all</b><b>the things we're looking for. That's</b><b>awesome. That's beautifully</b><b>said. I love that. I like to</b><b>think of it as venturing on God.</b><b>Venturing on God. I'm going to venture on</b><b>God. That's a good one.</b><b>I always find him faithful. Amen. Well,</b><b>what was one of your biggest fears?</b><b>You talked about the pitching the book.</b><b>Is there anything that you</b><b>just really struggle with that</b><b>just almost kept you from taking a step</b><b>to become Kim Avery coaching?</b><b>Because I think you actually</b><b>had a counseling practice first. Is that</b><b>right? Or were you involved in a</b><b>counseling practice?</b><b>I worked at one. Yeah.</b><b>Was that more of a secure relationship?</b><b>You worked for someone else?</b><b>110%. As a matter of fact, I was so naive</b><b>when I decided to become</b><b>a coach. I actually didn't</b><b>realize I had just gone into business for</b><b>myself. I don't think I</b><b>would have had the courage to do</b><b>it because I had to learn all those</b><b>skills. I just wanted to</b><b>coach. And now all of a sudden,</b><b>I needed to learn how to build a</b><b>business, which is a thousand different</b><b>skills. It's not a skill,</b><b>a thousand different skills. And I think</b><b>like so many, it's a fear</b><b>of failure, just for my own</b><b>probably shame story, but also just</b><b>because I love the Lord</b><b>so much, just this weird,</b><b>I don't want to let him down. Or I don't</b><b>want to say I'm going to</b><b>do something and then it not</b><b>work out and people think poorly of God.</b><b>So there's just a lot of</b><b>fear of failure in doing</b><b>anything outside my comfort zone, I think</b><b>for me. And it's</b><b>beautiful internal work. Again,</b><b>God's inviting me there, because he has</b><b>things to show me and</b><b>teach me about himself and his</b><b>character. And so the fear is getting</b><b>better each time I find</b><b>him, prove him trustworthy.</b><b>But I think the biggest fear is, yeah,</b><b>this is just something's</b><b>going to fail. And even</b><b>when it does, of course, things go wrong.</b><b>It's like, Oh, I lived. Oh, yeah. Yeah.</b><b>Oh, I wouldn't get that client and I'd</b><b>still be alive at the end of</b><b>the day. And that's wonderful</b><b>learning to, yeah. You know, I want to</b><b>follow it up with how did</b><b>you deal with that doom loop</b><b>that we tend to get into our head? Like</b><b>the wheels are going to fall</b><b>off. This is all going to crash.</b><b>It was just a dream. And it ain't going</b><b>to become a reality. I'm</b><b>never going to be successful. How</b><b>did you deal with that? For me, the</b><b>almost the only way to bring that that</b><b>kind of hamster wheel</b><b>that exists in the darkness is to bring</b><b>it out into the light and</b><b>usually in the light with a</b><b>witness. So in other words, a coach or a</b><b>soul friend or, you know, a</b><b>trusted person, if they'll</b><b>just listen to me talk, it's almost as if</b><b>I can hear that doom loop</b><b>for the first time for what</b><b>it is. While it's in my head, it just</b><b>sounds true and real and</b><b>justified and bigger than me.</b><b>But the minute I start saying it out loud</b><b>to an empathetic person, I</b><b>can almost start to hear that,</b><b>well, that doesn't really make sense. And</b><b>that's not really going to</b><b>happen. But as long as it's</b><b>in my head, it has a lot of power over</b><b>me. Yeah, that's</b><b>practical. So you would say,</b><b>find a trusted friend that you can share</b><b>this fear with, roll it</b><b>out to them and listen to</b><b>yourself. Tell your fear and not only are</b><b>you going to get feedback</b><b>from them, but just saying</b><b>it. You found power and just speaking the</b><b>air. And not just the</b><b>things I fear, because I think</b><b>I have to build a trust relationship with</b><b>that friend too. So</b><b>that's why it's good sometimes</b><b>to have a paid relationship like a coach</b><b>or a counselor or somebody</b><b>who will hang in there with</b><b>you so that you can, yeah, so you know</b><b>that they'll give you an</b><b>honest reaction. That if it</b><b>really is ludicrous, that they would have</b><b>an aghast expression on their face or</b><b>something like that.</b><b>So just building trusting relationships,</b><b>yeah, but living life out</b><b>loud, I think is strangely hard</b><b>and very important. Yeah, absolutely</b><b>important. You have in your book, The</b><b>Prayer-Powered Entrepreneur,</b><b>one chapter specifically, I think it'd be</b><b>helpful for people to hear</b><b>you respond to. And in a large</b><b>way you already have, and you make the</b><b>statement, "You are not</b><b>enough." And that needs to be said</b><b>because in our positive world today,</b><b>well, you are enough. Just</b><b>believe and you can conceive.</b><b>And your boldness, say, "You are not</b><b>enough." And that's a good</b><b>thing. Explain that. Why is that</b><b>true? Yeah, and it's funny because just</b><b>even well, well-meaning</b><b>Christians, and I think they're</b><b>probably saying the same thing I'm about</b><b>to say, but just using</b><b>different languaging.</b><b>But say to us all the time, "You can do</b><b>it. You're enough. You know you're</b><b>enough. Just tell yourself</b><b>you're enough." And the hope is that I</b><b>will dig down and find</b><b>some inner strength and inner</b><b>resources to do this hard thing. And a</b><b>lot of us can muster</b><b>that up in the short term.</b><b>But the reason we hear it again and again</b><b>and again is because it is</b><b>absolutely not sustainable.</b><b>Because to me, the reality is, and</b><b>reality is always our friend, is I'm not</b><b>enough. I'm actually</b><b>not enough to write a book and get it</b><b>published and have it sell on</b><b>my own. I'm actually not enough</b><b>to communicate effectively, to coach with</b><b>brilliance, to last in a</b><b>marriage over 40 years.</b><b>You can only guess, Craig, that all 40 of</b><b>them were probably not</b><b>the happiest 40 years of my</b><b>husband's life. We've sustained loss in</b><b>our family. I'm</b><b>actually not enough. And when I</b><b>believe that, not as a shaming thing, but</b><b>as a, "Oh, but I know</b><b>someone who is," it's just like,</b><b>"Oh, because that is good and true and</b><b>faithful." I call it the God of all gaps.</b><b>Whether my gap is like a sidewalk crack</b><b>or as big as the Grand</b><b>Canyon, God is big enough for any</b><b>and every gap. And I don't have to keep</b><b>talking myself into that.</b><b>Like you said, I can just prove</b><b>it to myself. And I know it's true. And</b><b>so it's just a huge relief</b><b>to me that I don't have to</b><b>wake up in the morning and find the inner</b><b>Kim and psych her up and</b><b>try to paint lipstick on a pig</b><b>and make it look good. I can just, I can</b><b>look in scripture and</b><b>look at his beauty and his</b><b>sufficiency and his wisdom and his love</b><b>and think, "Oh, I know where</b><b>to go." And that's going to be</b><b>really, really good. Awesome. My heart</b><b>has really moved listening to you say</b><b>that. And I want to put</b><b>you on the spot just for a second. And if</b><b>you don't mind, if you would do this,</b><b>just take just a few</b><b>seconds and just talk to those that are</b><b>listener and coach them</b><b>just for a minute on this very</b><b>thing. Help them. Can you do that? Yes.</b><b>Oh, always. One of my favorite things to</b><b>do. And again, this is</b><b>kind of my way of bringing things into</b><b>the light. But for me, it's journaling</b><b>for you. It may be a</b><b>friend conversation. But if I can take</b><b>the focus off my</b><b>insufficiency, because the closer I dial</b><b>in with that magnifying glass or</b><b>microscope, the more I'll see, because</b><b>it's absolutely true.</b><b>But it's also true, right? Turn your eyes</b><b>upon Jesus like that old him would say,</b><b>the more I dial in on his sufficiency,</b><b>the more I see. So sometimes I'll even</b><b>take a piece of paper</b><b>my journal and I'll draw a line. I'll</b><b>say, okay, here's my gaps. I</b><b>don't know anyone who can do</b><b>this. I have no idea how to get that</b><b>skill. I don't have the</b><b>resources to pay for this. I mean,</b><b>okay, good luck with this, Lord. Here's</b><b>my list. But then on the other side,</b><b>right? Well, my father</b><b>owns the cattle on 1000 Hills. So I guess</b><b>I could ask him for his provision. My</b><b>father is all wisdom.</b><b>I guess I could ask him what he thinks.</b><b>And I will for every single</b><b>line item. So I don't think vague</b><b>generalities, God is good necessarily</b><b>helped me in those granular moments. It</b><b>really helps me to say,</b><b>here's the very real problems. Like</b><b>here's my electric bill. If I'm out of</b><b>money, right? Here's,</b><b>here's the very real problem. What's your</b><b>very real, and it's</b><b>always his character for me,</b><b>because I don't know exactly how he's</b><b>going to provide. Is he</b><b>going to send me a check from a</b><b>friend? Is he going to give me a word of</b><b>advice over a radio? Is he</b><b>going to, I don't know that,</b><b>but I know who he is. I always know who</b><b>he is. And that's</b><b>unchanging. So I'll go through his</b><b>character on that. And it's just again,</b><b>it's like, Oh, I know someone who knows</b><b>someone I'm good. Yeah.</b><b>Yeah. Well, thank you for coaching</b><b>everyone else. Because I didn't need to</b><b>hear that. I already know</b><b>all that stuff. Of course, of course we</b><b>all do. Yeah, sure. And I'm</b><b>going to get my journal out</b><b>soon as we're done and make my half</b><b>sheet. And I'm the sitting</b><b>here already thinking, Oh yeah,</b><b>that's right. I don't know how I'm going</b><b>to do this. Oh, I don't</b><b>know how I'm going to do that.</b><b>I already have those. So that's an</b><b>excellent challenge. I</b><b>probably should sign up for your</b><b>prayer challenge that you put out</b><b>occasionally. And so yeah, you can tell</b><b>us more about that after</b><b>a bit. I want to give you a chance to</b><b>tell everyone that. Kim, I know just</b><b>talking with you now,</b><b>no one can see your smile. They probably</b><b>can hear it in your voice. They can't see</b><b>the authenticity that I've come to know</b><b>and trust. But I'm just listening. I</b><b>could say that I would</b><b>imagine there are people listening today</b><b>that could think, gosh, if I</b><b>could only have been like her,</b><b>if I could have been born so gifted, so</b><b>talented, so charismatic,</b><b>so articulate. I wish I could</b><b>be like her. And it kind of imagine like</b><b>your life has always been a</b><b>bed of roses, which I know</b><b>that's not the case. You've suffered too.</b><b>It's a universal situation</b><b>we all have to deal with.</b><b>I also know in 2019, you suffered a great</b><b>loss. You lost a daughter.</b><b>Can you speak to us about</b><b>that just a minute? People dealing with</b><b>loss. How did you cope with</b><b>that? Yeah. Well, first of all,</b><b>for those of you who've lost someone you</b><b>love through divorce or through death,</b><b>we don't ever get over it. And there's</b><b>no, as you said so well,</b><b>Craig, there's actually no</b><b>escaping it. We all lose things, lose</b><b>people, lose things, lose</b><b>status, lose position, lose</b><b>dreams, lose people. We all lose things</b><b>that we love. And so</b><b>the invitation for God is,</b><b>"Who is he going to be for me in this?"</b><b>And I will always, like with</b><b>my daughter, I will always be</b><b>in this. I will always be grieving this.</b><b>But I will say that by</b><b>his grace, the grief doesn't</b><b>paralyze me and has not paralyzed me. And</b><b>I think it's a two-sided</b><b>coin. One is just not trying to</b><b>push it down and pretend it's not there,</b><b>that I'm supposed to move on</b><b>or something like that. I mean,</b><b>one of my favorite verses is crazy, is</b><b>"Jesus wept." He knew he was going to</b><b>raise Lazarus from the</b><b>dead. He knew he wept. And so just</b><b>permission for my soul to be</b><b>sad and sorrow doesn't have</b><b>the final word. Even in this moment, joy</b><b>and sorrow can coexist.</b><b>And so just for me, finding</b><b>the tender, loving care of my father and</b><b>opening my heart to that,</b><b>saying, "I never knew I could</b><b>hurt this bad. And I know this means that</b><b>I will never feel loved this</b><b>well." And so just one quick</b><b>story, Craig, the morning that our</b><b>daughter died, so she died late in the</b><b>afternoon. She lived in</b><b>another state with our micro-preemie,</b><b>twin grandsons, and her husband. And so</b><b>the day started like any</b><b>ordinary day. And I was in John 11, which</b><b>is the account of Lazarus</b><b>being raised from the dead.</b><b>My husband was in John 11, and we are a</b><b>completely different</b><b>devotional plans. You know, I mean,</b><b>like we don't even do devotions in the</b><b>same way. So that was just a</b><b>God thing, right? That we were</b><b>both there. But I don't always write in</b><b>my Bible, but I literally</b><b>wrote in my Bible that day</b><b>that, "Lord, when times get dark, help me</b><b>to always see your light." So I was</b><b>reading the story of</b><b>Mary and Martha losing Lazarus, feeling</b><b>the pain of Jesus not rescuing in</b><b>advance, not sparing</b><b>them the pain, right? Because he loved</b><b>them, the Scripture says, because he</b><b>loved them, he tarried.</b><b>You know, so that was just morning</b><b>devotions. It was just a</b><b>regular day. But my heart's cry was,</b><b>"Lord, you know, when times get dark, I</b><b>just want to see you and</b><b>trust you and move towards your</b><b>glory." And then of course, later that</b><b>day, we got the devastating news. She</b><b>died of a sudden brain</b><b>aneurysm. So nobody anticipated that. But</b><b>what's the first thing my</b><b>mind went to? My father loved</b><b>me enough to prepare me in advance this</b><b>morning for the heart</b><b>posture he knew I would need</b><b>this evening. He's not forgotten me. He</b><b>has not forsaken me. He has</b><b>dropped, you know, glitter of</b><b>love in my heart saying, "I will always</b><b>go before you. I know the way</b><b>and I will prepare you and be</b><b>with you." And it's those little eyes</b><b>just to try to look at him</b><b>and not just at the hard things</b><b>that helped me see more and more how he's</b><b>he's just present. So even</b><b>in my pain. So that was a</b><b>long answer. I'm sorry. Oh, that's a</b><b>great answer. It's kind of the core of my</b><b>message, the core of my</b><b>life teaching is that if we can really</b><b>get God's love, if we can</b><b>grasp it, become rooted and</b><b>grounded in it. This is poorly said. I</b><b>know what I was going to say what I was</b><b>thinking. Life becomes</b><b>simple. We make it very complicated. We</b><b>try to figure everything out. That</b><b>includes me, myself,</b><b>I'm trying to figure me out what's wrong</b><b>with me. Why can't I be</b><b>better at this? Why can't I be more</b><b>like? And what I discovered is when I</b><b>figured out not who I am, but</b><b>whose I am and and could rest</b><b>in that love, everything changed for me.</b><b>And I have not had to deal</b><b>with anything like you have.</b><b>I enjoy reading books by people like</b><b>Johnny Erickson, Tada,</b><b>because I've always said if I</b><b>could have 30 minutes with anyone in the</b><b>world, that's who I would</b><b>pick because she lets me see</b><b>that God is real in the worst that I can</b><b>imagine. I couldn't</b><b>imagine being locked in my body.</b><b>I'd be so claustrophobic. I'd be</b><b>impossible to kill myself, but I'd want</b><b>to. And she said, "No,</b><b>Craig, you can live with that." And</b><b>that's what you're</b><b>saying you discovered as well,</b><b>is the love of God was there even in that</b><b>time and before that</b><b>time. And he loved you enough</b><b>to prepare you for that. What would you,</b><b>you know, you've already</b><b>given a boatload of counsel to</b><b>anyone, do anything, you have any just a</b><b>specific word you would say</b><b>to someone that's dating with</b><b>loss, hang in there, how would you tell</b><b>them? Yeah, don't feel</b><b>rushed to anyone's timetable,</b><b>to any, you know, stages of grief to</b><b>anything. I mean, just</b><b>please be present to your pain</b><b>and just consider the possibility that</b><b>God is always present to</b><b>you while you're present to</b><b>your pain. It's his presence. I mean, we</b><b>wanted to fix things and</b><b>that's called heaven, right?</b><b>But having a loving father who's present</b><b>to me in my pain, like</b><b>when your child falls or their</b><b>heart's broken and you hug them and hold</b><b>them, it transforms the very</b><b>experience of pain. It doesn't</b><b>take it away, but it changes it. And so,</b><b>yeah, just be where you are would be my</b><b>encouragement to you.</b><b>And then maybe find someone who will</b><b>reflect to you in their</b><b>patience and in their posture and</b><b>their presence. God's utter love and</b><b>patience with you as you ask the hard</b><b>questions and feel the hard</b><b>feelings. Yeah. Well, Kim, that's</b><b>awesome. Kim, it's been a</b><b>delight to have you here as you are</b><b>my first outside guest. I've had people</b><b>that have been through my</b><b>coaching that I've had back on.</b><b>You're the first person I've had from the</b><b>outside. And I was scared</b><b>to death to have someone on.</b><b>And I thought, if I were to do this, who</b><b>would I want? And you are</b><b>the person that gained my mind.</b><b>Because of your authenticity, I knew that</b><b>I'd be comfortable with you. And you</b><b>would put me at ease</b><b>and you'd do a great job. I know that</b><b>anyone listening today has</b><b>been helped tremendously.</b><b>And Kim, can you tell everyone here today</b><b>how they can keep up</b><b>with you? Maybe how they can</b><b>benefit by following you or</b><b>getting to know you better?</b><b>Well, thanks for asking. As I said, my</b><b>current favorite project</b><b>really is my Pace of Grace</b><b>podcast. So it's just paceofgrace.com or</b><b>the Pace of Grace podcast</b><b>on any podcast platform. So I</b><b>know you're all your listeners are</b><b>podcast listeners, right? So</b><b>I would love to. And they're</b><b>short form. They're like 15 minutes</b><b>around. So it's not a huge</b><b>commitment of time. And then if</b><b>you ever would benefit from the prayer</b><b>powered entrepreneur, you</b><b>can get that. Thanks to my</b><b>publisher, actually letting me make a</b><b>book proposal on that guestly day in</b><b>history, which I wish I</b><b>could erase. You can get it at any major</b><b>bookstore. God was right.</b><b>People actually want to buy the</b><b>book and read the book. And so that's a</b><b>fun prayer journey for</b><b>people. And then you can find me at</b><b>kimabrycoaching.com. Awesome, Kim. Thanks</b><b>again so much for being</b><b>with us today. The links for</b><b>everything that I think we've talked</b><b>about today, her books</b><b>and her material will all be</b><b>in the notes down below. I hope you'll</b><b>check it out. Thanks again</b><b>for joining me. And I will see</b><b>you next time.</b>