The Real Enemy Wasn't Alcohol | With Mark Roundy | Episode #058

In this episode of the Truly a Masterpiece Podcast, Craig sits down with his longtime friend Mark Roundy—a husband, father, fisherman, and faithful follower of Christ—for an honest conversation about addiction, recovery, shame, self-doubt, and the grace of God.

Mark shares his struggle with alcohol, what finally got his attention, and the journey that led him to sobriety. But as powerful as his story of recovery is, Mark explains that alcohol wasn't the deepest issue. Beneath the addiction was a battle with shame, self-doubt, and the lies he believed about himself.

Along the way, Craig and Mark discuss:

• The unlikely friendship that began with a chance meeting at a boat ramp

• Why so many men stay away from church

• Common lies men believe about themselves

• Why surrender is so difficult for men

• The importance of authentic male friendships

• How shame and self-doubt keep men stuck

• Why many men stop dreaming—and how to begin dreaming again

Whether you've struggled with addiction, battled self-doubt, or simply want to become a stronger husband, father, and follower of Christ, this conversation will encourage and challenge you.

Time Stamps

0:00 Welcome

0:49 Mark Roundy: Husband, father, fisherman, and follower of Christ

2:10 Being outdoors doesn't always mean you feel closer to God

4:12 A "coincedental" meeting

4:56 She got my attention

5:18 She prayed nine years for me

7:26 Why some men don't go to church

10:24 Lies that kept Mark stuck

11:30 Shame and self-doubt

12:11 A deeper change

12:47 He tried to fix the wrong thing

13:36 The breakthrough

14:08 When you see God for who He is...

15:40 Finding God's love is the key to loving others

17:28 The change that had a greater impact than overcoming alcohol

18:00 Why surrender is hard

18:28 What God asks us to surrender

19:33 Dare to dream

21:00 Lessons for your children

23:06 The need for male connection

26:43 Mark's emotional closing

Connect with Craig @CraigWalkerCaoching

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome back to the Truly Masterpiece podcast. My name is Craig Walker. I am your host. Today I have the privilege to be with Mark Roundy. Mark has been a friend of mine for many, many years. He is a graduate of the Truly Masterpiece course. And he, in my mind, is a living legend. Some guy, a guy that just puts this into practice every day in his life. He has a family, a wife that I would say that their relationship is enviable. I just look forward, Mark, to talk about what God's done in your life, what he's doing, some things that you wished you had done differently, and just get things that will be helpful to any other guy that's out there listening that just wants to walk with God with all of his heart. Glad to have you with us. Mark, tell us who you are. Let everybody else know some of the things that I know about you.

Speaker 0:51

First of all, it's an honor. I'm a dad, I'm a husband, um, I'm a father, I'm a friend, but most of all, I'm a father of Jesus Christ. Without him, I got nothing.

Speaker 1 1:05

You're what do you do for a living?

Speaker 1:07

I build houses for a living. I work for a home builder here in North Texas, been doing that for about five years now, and and and I love my job. It's awesome.

Speaker 1 1:16

You've done quite a few things since I've known you. The last thing you were doing service for Whataburgers all around North Texas.

Speaker 1:24

Did 10 years of Whataburger?

Speaker 1 1:26

10 years of Whataburger. Wow. Yeah. Well, if nothing else, you had good food. Some people say most Texans say anyway. I I wasn't one of those for a long time. I didn't buy into it until I had the patty melt, and it changed my life. So I've had I've had to be careful since I've discovered that.

Speaker 1:47

Sure. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen a lot of changes. There's there's been a lot of changes.

Speaker 1 1:52

Yep. You're a fisherman. You mentioned that. I or did you?

Speaker 1:56

I did not mention that, but you know that. I am a fisherman. Uh fishing is my my passion. It's my my escape. It's where sometimes I feel I feel closest to God.

Speaker 1 2:10

I've heard this said many, many times. A lot of other guys I'm with, and I've lived in Colorado, hiked in the mountains. People would tell me, ma'am, when I'm in the mountains I'm or out in nature, I'm just close to God. And I've had to admit to my shame, when I'm in nature in the mountains, I'm the farthest from God because I'm so absorbed in being outside and hunting or fishing. I forget. I quit praying. I quit doing everything. I will say, as I've gotten older, that's that has gotten much, much better. I appreciate what he's done, who he is so much more. But it it is one of those things that I love it so much. Uh it I had to guard my heart against not loving the world because our world's a pretty place, it's an enjoyable place. Won't match heaven. I understand that, but I sure like being out in it. Yeah, you're you're not just a fisherman, though. You are a professional fisherman. Is that right?

Speaker 3:03

Uh don't classify as me as a professional. I am not a professional, I am just a your average daily guy that likes to tournament fish and try to cash a check here and there. Yeah, but I do not classify myself as a professional fisherman at all.

Speaker 1 3:22

Well, I think I'm a pretty decent fisherman, and I think you're like years beyond me. So I call you a professional. Any guy, anybody that can make money at fishing, I think they're a professional.

Speaker 3:32

So well, let's let's just don't tell very many people that let's just put it that way.

Speaker 1 3:38

Okay, all right, we'll do it. What are you most proud of in life?

Speaker 3:42

Proud of my family, I'm proud of my kids. One of the biggest things that I'm most proud of is being sober this year, June 27th of this year, will be 18 years of sobriety. So that is one of the things that I'm most proud of.

Speaker 1 4:00

Yeah, and I got to meet you right at the beginning, right? Actually before you became sober. And you know, I didn't intend to bring this up, but it's funny. We were talking about fishing. You and I actually met at a boat round.

Speaker 4:14

We did.

Speaker 1 4:16

Tell me, can you do you remember that situation? What happened?

Speaker 4:20

You know, we were talked about or anything. We were, I was I was launching, and you were coming in off the water and you had your family with you. I believe you had uh your son and uh one of your daughters with you, you're coming off the lake, and I was there with uh a buddy of mine that I fished with, Keith Brumfield, and he introduced you said hi to him, and then he needs introduced us, and then you said that you were a pastor at Lifeway Church and that that you knew one of my sons, and and away we went.

Speaker 1 4:51

Yeah, that was the start of it. Well, uh now that we're into it, tell that amazing story of where God got your attention the day that everything really started for you.

Speaker 5:02

I had fallen on some very hard times in my life, right? But I did some things in my life that weren't good, and uh my wife left me, and she told me that through our whole marriage, we were married in '97, and in 2010, she prayed for me up almost nine years, 10 years, whatever that is. Uh, just go to church. Let's go to church with me, go to church with me. And I wouldn't, I grew up in the church. It was the whole you're gonna go to church Sunday morning, Sunday school, you're gonna do Sunday church, we're gonna go home, we're gonna eat, you're gonna go back and do Sunday night, you're gonna do Wednesday night, you're gonna do this, you're gonna do that through my whole childhood. And when I when I left home, I said, I don't need God anymore. I just don't. I I can do this, I don't need God. I was so wrong. My wife left me and I decided I was gonna go to church one day, and I'm driving to a church and I got to uh Preston Trail, and something told me somebody told me to turn around and go to Lifeway, and I did for I don't know why, uh I did. I at the time I didn't know what it was. That Sunday, there was a couple at the church that was running our uh the celebrate recovery program, and the lady that was speaking that was giving her testimony, and she was the one of the the women's leader of celebrate recovery, and it just hit me hard. It it really truly did. That's the day that I started my transformation.

Speaker 1 6:43

I think that's a pretty exciting story because your wife had been praying for nine years, and a lot of people can give up. No, nine years. Well, God's not gonna answer her, forget it. And she didn't, she continued to pray, and then you're on your way to a church, and and I'm I'm assuming it was probably a good church, or you wouldn't have been going there, but the Holy Spirit had always been working in your life, and that day he literally spoke to your heart, not audibly, but you knew trying to go to Life Way where you would hear what you had to hear, you needed to hear that day, where you were ready to receive it, and he sent you there. Hey, while we're at it, I want to ask one more thing. When I I guess more of the statement you can just add to it, I think there's a lot of people out there, a lot of guys that are like you, and I was like you in the opposite way. I my I've grew up in a family that wasn't very religious. We went to church, you know, not regularly at all, a couple of times a month. And and I just never saw anything in my home or in a church that I went to that made me want to know God. I probably did want to know God, I just didn't like church. That was pretty tough. And that sounds like something you grew up with, a little different me where you went to everything and you grew up and there was nothing that caught your attention that made you want to go back. I think a lot of guys are in that boat.

Speaker 8:12

I'm 58, Craig, right? And so when I when I first accepted Christ at a very young age, I was like 11 or 12 years old. And the church that we grew up in was a typical Southern Baptist church where the preacher was hellfire and brimstone, pounding on the pulpit. You either do this or you're going to hell. Back then it was more of a scare tactic than it was, in my eyes, anything, especially coming out of that, joining the Navy right out of high school, where I'm free to do whatever my generation of men that grew up like that in the church probably felt the same way I do. And there's a freedom that there's that free will thing, right? They always tell you about free will in church, and then you got it when you're when you leave home. And it's like, man, this ain't so bad. I can do whatever I want. I and and things are good. No, I'm I'm in the navy, I've I got a a job, I have a roof over my head, I got three squares a day. I got people yelling at me all the time, but I signed up for that. I volunteered myself, so I'm living with that. But after you get out of boot camp and get a job, you know, where you're at, it's just like a nine to five job every every day. And I don't need God. I was so wrong. So wrong.

Speaker 1 9:33

Yeah, I think a lot of guys need to hear that because we tend to break church off because of our experience as a child. And there are good churches out there, there are good churches out there today that um I wish they'd been around when I were a kid, or actually, I wish we had attended them. They probably existed them as well. And I don't know of anything that's made a greater difference in my life than getting plugged into a good church. I just thought that was important for us to bring up. Well, you went through celebrate recovery and God changed your life dramatically.

Speaker 10:05

Rededicated my life back in uh September of 2010. I rededicated my life to Christ and been following him ever since.

Speaker 1 10:18

What do you think were some of the truths? What are some of the lies, rather, that you believed that kept you stuck? When when you were running from God, and that's really what I would call it. I mean, you were struck dealing with alcohol when Wendy left you. What were some of the lies that you were believing that just kept you stuck?

Speaker 10:39

Pride was the biggest thing. I just didn't want anybody telling me what I had to do. Pride and self-doubt not being good enough. I went through a a time in my life where I was married before Wendy, and I had two children, it was a horrible marriage, ended up in divorce, and it was beat into me by her and and everybody else with was associated with her side of the family that I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough. And you if you're told you're not good enough, you start believing it. And when you start believing it, it it's ingrained in you, and uh, and sooner or later it's gonna bite you, and it did.

Speaker 1 11:27

Yeah, the universe it's a universal struggle. Every human being deals with it, and we don't have to have anybody to tell us, but when we do have somebody telling us, it just uh accentuates on the situation, the feeling of not being good enough. That was a time when you and I reconnected. I had resigned as uh lead pastor at Lifeweight Church, handed that off, and started ministry that I'm doing now. Then we reconnected. You and Wendy had a great marriage, and you're doing very well. Uh, but that not enough voice was still speaking and doing some disruptive work. It was and brought us back together.

Speaker 12:08

It was. It is um until somebody can explain it to you where you can understand it and learn how to cope with it and deal with it, you'll be stuck in that. What you were able to do for me was explain it how to deal with it, backed it up with scriptures and sh not only caught it, but led it because you went through it yourself.

Speaker 1 12:36

Yeah, I was just gonna ask, did you struggle with the same thing I did? And I think a lot of people, most of the people I coach, I hear, do this. We're trying to fix the wrong thing. Yes. When I say we're trying to fix the wrong thing, we think that we're broken, we think we're not enough, and so we're gonna try harder, do better, double down, hustle more, yet nothing changes. We're we're trying so hard to fix ourselves, and that's not the issue. Did you struggle with that as well?

Speaker 13:09

Yes, and the more you the more I double down, it it turned into I'm doubling down again and again and again, doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. So I needed to find a way to understand it, and that's where truly masterpiece came into came into play, and it really helped me change my thought pattern.

Speaker 1 13:35

Where did your breakthrough come when you began to see what was holding you back? Where did the eye-opening experience come for you?

Speaker 13:42

When I understand God made me in his likeness, in his perfection, that I am his masterpiece, and that nothing that I can do can change that because in God's eyes I am still his masterpiece, that's when it started changing.

Speaker 1 14:02

You began to see yourself as he sees you.

Speaker 14:05

Yes.

Speaker 1 14:06

Yeah, I tell people all the time when you see God for who he is, then you're able to see yourself as he sees you. So now I just trust him and do what he wants me to do. Trust becomes easier. It moves from trying to trusting. I think that's what I would say if the relationship for me, I was just trying so hard to be good enough. I knew I was saved. Everybody, you know, you and I and everybody are coaching, they know we don't get saved by being good. We know that. We know it's through trusting in Jesus Christ alone. Where we lose it is we think, okay, now I saved him, I've got to do good. I'm not saying we don't do good, but we even that we don't do it by self-effort, we do it by trusting, not by trying.

Speaker 15:03

When I understood that what grace really was, where I could start giving myself grace, because until until you can give yourself grace, you can't give grace to anybody else.

Speaker 1 15:19

That's so true.

Speaker 15:20

Something that I learned going through celebrate recovery is is to be able to love somebody else, you have to be able to love yourself first. So if you're dark on the inside and you feel like there's self-doubt and you don't love yourself, there's no way you can love somebody else. And that's what I found. I had to find that love to be able to give it. I had to find be able to give grace to myself, to be able to give grace to somebody else.

Speaker 1 15:49

Yeah, people downplay and they'll even kind of push back on me a little bit as Christians when I tell them you've got to learn to love yourself. And they'll they'll push back on that. And they don't like that language at all. I understand it can be misunderstood, kind of like self-help terminology, but it's not love yourself just because I look at me and I love myself. No, I look at God and I see who he is, and I realize that he made me a masterpiece, then what about me is there not to love? And I begin to accept that, oh, I am this way because he made me this way. And he called it a masterpiece. So I can lean into it like it. And where there was a time in my life that I wouldn't have wished being Craig Walker on anyone in the world, not my worst enemy. That's how much I like me. And now I just love being me. I don't want to be anyone else in the world. I I don't struggle with the if-onlies anymore. But again, it goes back to I really love being me.

Speaker 16:57

When I was going through everything with back in 2010, I always had words. I could always say, you know, I'll make it better. I'm sorry. And then my wife would tell me, I don't need words, I need action. I need to see it. I went through masterpiece in 2025. From 2010 to 2025, I thought I had a great life. I thought I was doing everything right. I got my wife back, I got sober, I got my family back, and people were seeing a change. I get more people telling me now, what did you do? You've changed for the good, not for the bad, but for the good. And I said, I just learned I'm God's masterpiece. He made me in his likeness, he gave me grace, I have grace to give, and I love myself. Gosh, Mark, that's the it sounds simple. It it that sounds so simple when you say it, but it's so hard for a man to do it.

Speaker 1 18:00

Is it hard to do it because we just don't want to let go of self-effort? Yes, I think so too. I do, and I asked that I wasn't meaning that to be a leading question, like, yes, you got to say that too. I really meant it. I struggle with that, and that's what I struggle with. And I think most men would say the same. That's really tough because it is surrender to give up my ideas, and I still have dreams, passions, and desires. God put those in my heart, but give up my idea that that I'm going to be great without God. No, I'm not. I'm never going to be great without God. But if I'll trust God, He'll make me great.

Speaker 18:37

And it may not be the greatness that you're that you have a vision of in your head. It may not be that greatness, it may be something greater than that, or it may be something a little different than what you see in your head, but it is still greatness.

Speaker 1 18:56

Yeah, and what I say when he gives you something a different great greatness than you desired, or you you thought you wanted, you say, Oh, that's what I wanted all along. I just didn't know it.

Speaker 19:10

Right. Yeah, yeah. It's it's wow. I I did want that, but I've never even seen it. Something about going through masterpiece was um, don't be afraid to dream. We all have dreams with the help of God, with with his help. We can all live those dreams if we choose to accept what those are. If you want a dream of being whole, a good father, a good husband, and a godly man, that's a dream that I had, and now I'm living it.

Speaker 1 19:45

Yeah, when he made us, he made us a living soul. That soul of a man is your thinking, choosing, feeling part of you, but it also includes the soul is where God placed your dreams, your passions, and your desires that he put within you. So those dreams, passions, and desires of mine and yours surrender to God. We find out what we really love in life, what we really like. And he put those things in us. The Bible said God gave us the desires of our heart. A lot of people think that means that he's going to give me whatever I want. I think it means he literally gave us our desires. When I've got this desire and I'm in tune with him, I just trust that's God and I go for it. That desire, I think it's from him. My love of horses, I think that's from God. My desire to show and train my own horse, I think that's from God. And I'm enjoying all those things within his boundaries. And I say no when I sense he's saying no, most of the time. And I'm free to say yes when I think he's telling me yes. I I agree with you. That's just part of you being you, God's masterpiece, and me being me, God's masterpiece. What are a couple of lessons that you want to pass on to your sons? There, I know you there's so many things you want to teach them, you know, the Bible, and you're learning it more and more every day. But let's just say you've you've only got time to really impart two to three things in their life before you're gone. What are those lessons that you you just want them to know?

Speaker 21:25

Uh it's a hard question because there's I have three boys and they're all different. But if I can put one or two things on them that I could pass down to them, search and search your heart and live your desires that God has created for you. Live your dreams, but pray about them. Ask God, God, this is my dream. Turn it over to Him and let Him decide whether what that dream turns into. Because I went through My life not dreaming. I buried my dreams. I had a dream as a young man. My dad was a great man. And growing up, he asked me one day, he goes, What do you want to do with your life? I was like 10 or 12 years old. And I told him, I said, Dad, I want to be a professional baseball player. Just like most every 12-year-old boy that plays Little League baseball, right? Expecting an answer, well, son, just keep practicing and live out your dream. My dad didn't say that. My dad said, You need to squash that dream because it's never gonna happen. My dad is a great man. I miss him dearly, but he was off the mark.

Speaker 1 22:48

Trust God, go for it. Be willing to change when he tells you to, but until he does, don't don't hold back.

Speaker 22:56

Yep.

Speaker 1 22:56

That's a really good word. That's an empowering word. Mark, you've been living this life now, 25. This is 26. We started something new in Trudy a Masterpiece. Originally it was just the coaching, and then we discovered something along the way that guys need connection. How important has that weekly connection been for you? We it's called the Masterpiece Brotherhood. Guys that either want to know more about the program and they're just they're checking it out, just want accountability, want encouragement. And then there's right now it's mostly guys that that are graduates. They want somebody that speaks the same language, going the same direction as them. How important is that accountability? I won't even call it accountability because it's not, it's just it's connection, it's encouragement because we really don't keep each other accountable. How important is that to you?

Speaker 23:54

We it's very important, and here's why the stigma of man through time was you're the man, you don't need this. You you're the man, you know, the caveman mentality. Yeah, it's that's not man. Men need connection with other men that can talk about what we're going through with other men that may or may not be going through the same thing, but give words of encouragement. We talk about so many different random things on that Friday call. But we all, I know I do, come away from that hour that we have together, encouraged to go through the rest of my day at a 10.

Speaker 1 24:39

You got on a call at an eight, I got on a call at about a seven. But we both ended the weekend, and this is a conversation we had before we turned on the recording for today. We both ended the weekend. We went into the weekend as tens and ended the weekend as a 10. That's pretty good.

Speaker 24:55

It is, yeah.

Speaker 1 24:56

And I wouldn't have done that had I not had community with you guys.

Speaker 25:00

I really it is all about community in some kind of connection, right? With there's some things that we can talk about on that call that we can't talk to our family about our wives about. It's just something that you need a community or connection with another man that has either gone through it or maybe gone through it or will go through it because everything that we go through, we're all gonna go through it at one time or another in our life. I truly believe that.

Speaker 1 25:27

Yeah. Well, Mark, this has been a special time. I look forward to having you on. I I try to interview different graduates, and I realized, gosh, I've had a lot of people graduate from the program and I've never interviewed you. Right. And my wife is actually the one you haven't interviewed Mark yet. Well, thank you, man. I'm so glad to be with you today. It's been real, it's been raw, and I think it's been helpful to anyone that will listen. The things we talked about, the masterpiece Brotherhood. I'll put a link to that inside the notes for everyone if you're interested in that. I will tell you, I think it'd be helpful, especially if you've if you're a graduate of the program, you need it. If you've never been through the program, it's just a good place to come in and be introduced to the concepts that we talk about inside Trudy Masterpiece Coaching. And you will get the fellowship and the community of just encouragement. I think if you do nothing else but but do that on a weekly basis, your life and your walk will be better. Mark, I want to say thank you again for being here and being a part of this with me today. Um, I know other men will be helped having listened to you. Is there any parting word that you'd like to share with the guys today?

Speaker 26:43

Well, I would like to say thank you to you not only writing the book and doing the your your your sessions and your counseling for being my friend. I'm an emotional guy. But you love me from day one.

Speaker 1 27:03

Grace of God. You said it already. When you see how much God loves you, it sure makes it easy to love other people. Yes. And I have I get to the joy of walking in his love. Well, I do love you, brother. Thank you so much. I do appreciate you. I thank everybody for joining us and listening today. Please check out the show notes if this podcast has been an encouragement to you. Share it with a friend. Until next time, may the Lord help you to live that life that you were born to love.